What's in a name?

Way, way back in November of 1981 my mom originally wanted to name me Natasha. I think that would have suited me, but the name was not approved by other family members and thus I became Tiffany Marie Fairbanks.

Tiffany

Growing up, all throughout my school years there were quite a bit of Tiffany's running around. I would say about 10 or more each year. Apparently this was a popular name. There are several ways to spell it I learned. A lot of them make no sense to me, but I guess everyone wants to be different.

Over the years I have come to learn that people that are 30 years or more older than me just adore the name Tiffany. I guess they think it is exotic, which blows my mind. Sometimes people tell me, "Oh! I just love that name. I have a poodle at home that I named Tiffany." I want to laugh. I have heard that numerous times. Of course people like to tell me if they chose the name for their daughter or they have a grandchild with the name and it's sweet.

At about 14 the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" came out. I got serenaded a lot that year. I spent the summer with my Uncle in Panama City and every time I went down to the pool 3 guys would sing this to me. Recently my 12 year old brother Caleb told me he had heard the song. The gift keeps on giving! I would be lying if I said I don't love the movie of the same title and I might have a promotional poster (or two) featuring Holly Golightly.


Marie


Marie seems like a go-to middle name. So many people share my middle name. My mom chose it because her mother and my father's mother both have Mary as a first name and Marie is a pretty good spin-off of Mary. The thing I love the most about my middle name is a memory it created between my Papaw and me. He always called me Tiffany Anne. Eventually I asked why he called me this when it wasn't my middle name. He told me he was calling me Tiffany Anne because of Marie Antoinette. At such a young age I had no idea who this person was. He explained that she had been royalty and that her husband had ordered her beheading. That made me take pause. I'm still confused by this, but it cracks me up nonetheless.

Fairbanks

All I know about my last name is a story that I heard that has neither been confirmed or denied. Apparently I had a great-great-great grandfather somewhere along the lines that was some kind of outlaw. His wife was English and in order to evade the law he took her name.

I am pretty fond of my last name. I like the ring of my first and last name together to the point that I don't know if I ever want to change it. I know keeping your maiden name makes things difficult if you have kids and other adult things that I have yet to do but I guess I am selfish for wanting to keep Fairbanks.

My favorite thing about my last name???? When customer service reps ask: "How do you spell that?" Really? But then again I have also been asked how to spell Tomball. Maybe conjunctions baffle people. 

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Happy Mother's Day!

Tammy Fairbanks first became a mother at the age of 17. I have tried and tried to imagine what that would be like and have never fully been able to.  Mom never led me to believe that she regretted having me so young. I was never made to feel like a burden. I actually had the impression that I was exactly what she had always wanted. A daughter. I still feel that way. I have three brothers and I know my mom loves us all, but I think we all know that mom and I are more than mother and child. We are best friends.

It's hard not to be best friends with someone that knows you better than anyone else ever will. (Most likely.) Sure, it can be infuriating at times. All moms can drive their kids crazy and vice versa. It's pretty challenging not to scream when she says "I told you so." because Mom's "always" right. But I know that I am blessed. I have a mom and best friend.

She is the only person that has been by my side through all the ups and downs. She has been my advocate when I had no ability in that area. She has pushed me; out of bad habits and situations and into improvement. There were times in my life  that my mom worked three jobs in order to pay the bills and feed us. We were never hungry and we never went without having not only what we needed but also a lot of what we wanted.

I know that most mothers say they aren't prepared for the guilt. I also know that my mom is not immune. I just have to keep telling her that she did the best she could with what she knew at the time. Was my brother and and I the best kids in the world? No. Is that something that can rest solely on my mother's shoulders? Absolutely not. I don't think anyone else in the exact same position could have done it any better.

Right before her 33rd birthday, my mom became a mother for the last time. She had the two most perfect little boys I ever had the pleasure of knowing. I was 15 and so close to the age when she had given birth to me. It's amazing what you can learn about parenting in 15 years. I believe my brother and I put her through her masters in parenting because she had a handle on those boys from day one. I am so proud of the twins, but I am even prouder of my mom. I believe their successes have a lot to do with her.

They know exactly what I knew growing up. Mom is their biggest fan. She knows what they are capable of, most likely, even when they don't. They know she loves them and will do anything for them. She is the same mom I had, but more finely tuned. She knows what lies ahead in the teenage years, she has the upper hand.

And I'm glad. I'm rooting for her this time around. Because I'm her fan too. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

I love you!

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Help Me Raise some $$$$ for Nami Please!

Hey Guys!

I am writing today to tell you about an upcoming event that I am participating in that is both very important and very exciting to me.  It is NAMIWalks for the Mind of America, NAMI’s signature walkathon event that is being held in Houston, TX at Sam Houston Park/Allen Parkway on May 1, 2010.

Mental illness is something that I care very deeply about. I have personally been affected through my diagnosis of bipolar disorder in 2001 and there are people that I have met throughout my life that have been affected too. Too many people in our country are suffering with mental illness. While I really hope to raise money  my number one motivation in being involved is to truly  stomp out stigma. I know how it feels to be judged unfairly due to my diagnosis. I wish that when I was first told of my affliction with this disease I had known of the support that NAMI offers. This organization is truly a blessing.

I would like to ask you to come and walk with me or to donate to support my participation in this great event. Visit my personal walker page to sign up: http://www.nami.org/namiwalks10/HOU/stompingoutstigmatx. It features a link to my team's page where you can see who else is walking with me. There is also a link so you can donate directly to me online. Donating online is fast and secure, and I'll get immediate notification via e-mail of your donation.

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the largest education, support and advocacy organization that serves the needs of all those whose lives are touched by these illnesses.  This includes persons with mental illness, their families, friends, employers, the law enforcement community and policy makers.  The NAMI organization is composed of approximately 1100 local affiliates, 50 state offices and a national office.

The goals of the NAMIWalks program are: to fight the stigma that surrounds mental illness, to build awareness of the fact that the mental health system in this country needs to be improved, and to raise funds for NAMI so that they can continue their mission.

NAMI is a 501(c)3 charity and any donation you make to support my participation in this event is tax deductible.  NAMI has been rated by Worth magazine as among the top 100 charities "most likely to save the world" and has been given an "A" rating by The American Institute of Philanthropy for efficient and effective use of charitable dollars.

Thank you in advance for your support.

Sincerely,
Tiffany Fairbanks

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Oh! How I love the Oscars!

I am a total geek when it comes to awards shows. I get so caught up in the excitement of the winners and sometimes I get really pissed if my pick doesn't win. I don't really choose my preferred winner by performance most of the time I choose who I root for based on my own personal opinion. For the first time I am going to post a list of who I hope take home the awards tonight. The Oscars are far and away my favorite awards show. I love the fashion, emotions and the long, long ceremony. I love the pre-show and the footage on E! afterward. I have no shame. This is my Super Bowl. I have not seen all of the movies up for nomination and probably will never see all of them because I have learned over time that Oscar nom does not equal a movie I will enjoy. That said here is my list of preferred winners.

BEST PICTURE
The Hurt Locker

I loved the perspective of an American soldier that this movie left me with. I really appreciate that the movie was not predictable. The cinematography was outstanding and I want Bigelow to beat out Cameron. Also, I have a history of hoping for the underdog to win.

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Jeremy Renner
The Hurt Locker 

This year there are so many people that we would have never guessed (and possibly never heard of) would be nominated. After the nominations came out  I have learned more about where I had seen Renner. The whole time I watched the movie I kept thinking, "Where have I seen this guy?" He's been acting a while, but mostly in supporting roles. I hope he wins.

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Stanley Tucci
The Lovely Bones 

I'm used to my Tucci funny. He is so transformed in The Lovely Bones.

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Meryl Streep
Julie & Julia 

I love Meryl Streep. I also love that she was able to pull off Julia Child. I was enchanted while watching Julie & Julia. I know Streep has so many awards and it would be nice to see other people win, since they haven't before, but I don't care on this one. Meryl Streep is amazing and when someone has that much talent they can take all the awards in the world for all I care.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Mo'Nique
Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Up 
Pete Docter 
I absolutely adore this movie. Pixar can't make a bad movie to save a life.



ART DIRECTION
Avatar
Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg (Art Direction); Kim Sinclair (Set Decoration)

CINEMATOGRAPHY
The Hurt Locker
Barry Ackroyd


Amazing!


COSTUME DESIGN
Nine
Colleen Atwood


DIRECTING
The Hurt Locker
Katheryn Bigelow

(Maybe it's the feminist in me?)





DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Food, Inc.
Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein

FILM EDITING
The Hurt Locker
Bob Murawski and Chris Innis

MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE)
Up
Michael Giacchino

VISUAL EFFECTS
Avatar
Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones 

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)

 An Education

Screenplay by Nick Hornby 

 

Love Nick Hornby.

 

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)

Inglourious Basterds

Written by Quentin Tarantino 

 

If you noticed any missing awards, that's because I skipped them. See you at the show.

 

 

 

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Her birthday would be coming up soon.

Sunday night Brandon took me to see a movie and he even let me pick it out. (Who says chivalry is dead?) Actually the way it went down was I told him I would only see The Lovely Bones and if he didn't want to see that then he could go to the theater all by himself. Hence we saw The Lovely Bones.

All in all I really enjoyed the movie. I liked the fact that it wasn't predictable, which is sometimes a little too much to ask for these days. Visually, some of the scenes were amazing and I really like the fact that the movie pushes the perception of the afterlife. Personally I'm one of those on the fence types who thinks anything is possible. We will never have a definitive answer, right?

Typically, when I watch a TV show or movie there is one quote that takes root in my head and won't get out and a lot of times just sets my emotions upside down. This was the case with The Lovely Bones. Without giving too much away, a character says that people never really know the moment you are gone. They know when you die, they just never know that moment when you really leave them.

There have been times in a little over a year that I can see a certain body type with the exact same hair style as my Aunt Patsy and still feel a little hope. I can hear a laugh so similiar, but not as distinct as hers was, and I will ache. I never felt more mortified as when I caught the tail end of Elf and started crying at the very end when everyone sings "Santa Clause is Coming to Town." In that moment I remembered her singing it. I was never so glad Brandon was asleep. I wouldn't have to explain to him why I was crying real tears and not stupid chick flick tears.

Of course I know she is gone. It just doesn't get easier. My blame doesn't go away. I'm still so mad at myself for not saying goodbye to her. For barely seeing her in the last years of her life. I had no idea they would be her last or that she would leave us so quickly. There are so many things I would have said to her, thanked her for. One more hug.

It sneaks up on me every now and then and it's so hard for me to talk to anyone about it. I guess sometimes we can be so afraid to show the emotions that aren't easy and then we become afraid to bring it up and make everybody else sad about it. So we bottle it up until late at night where we can cry in private. In secret.

Until a movie, or a laugh or a song or a smell brings it all back out into the light again.

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For quite a while I have felt a presence while I was out on my patio. I told Brandon my suspicions but he reacted as if I was a loon. I never could prove that I was not alone out there. That is until last night. I saw a blur from the corner of my eye and got that creepy feeling. I continued to read my book. Then, I really laid eyes on something scampering across my patio. My eyes darted to where the form had stopped and after a moment or two a tiny little head with beady little eyes poked out from under the siding. I was so scared that I moved my foot and shouted, "STOP IT!" The head disappeared. But only for about five minutes. My stomach was in knots.

A memory played over in my mind. My Mimaw lived in a very small town while I was growing up. When I visited her I had all the freedom in the world to roam on my bike and have the type of adventures that I loved in solitude. I would take in nature, buy a blue raspberry blowpop every now and then and visit the nursing home. One day I was walking and there was a lot that had some over grown grass and I was so intune with my surroundings that I heard a tiny noise that didn't belong. I had to find the source. It was the smallest, baby mouse I had ever seen. He must have been scared to cry like that. I picked him up and stroked his fur and eventually put him down to join his family. Not a fear in the world had entered my mind. No thought of bubonic plague or rabies. All that was on my mind was comforting this poor little animal. I didn't think of him gaining a pound or two and gaining a very long, scaly tail, morphing into a rat. No, those are the thoughts that entered my sophisticated 28 year old mind.

This was a moment where I had a lecture with my self. I asked, What are you so afraid of? Why now and not then? What has changed since then? I came inside and told Brandon about the not so new guest of our ground floor patio. He laughed at me. He didn't gripe when I swiped one of his fancy pieces of cheese and broke it up in pieces and  took them to the patio to leave for the mouse.   This morning when I woke up all the  cheese was gone. I was pleased.

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This past Sunday Brandon and I had to fly out to Alabama to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. I am  regretful that I was never able to meet Nadine Clements. She lived a very long life and seem to make many friends all along her journey. There were many people that loved her dearly and she seems to have touched many lives through her love and compassion.

It was nice to finally meet some of Brandon's extended family and especially his Mamaw! I have never met a guy that seems to be as close with his grandmother as Brandon. When he would talk on the phone with her I would laugh silently because her accent is so cute. Before I ever saw a picture of her, I imagined she would look like my Grandma Karm had. Short, pleasantly plump and white haired. I was way off. Brandon's Mamaw is petite,thin but shapely and pretty stylish with brown hair. She is a beauty.

I wish that I could have made my first trip to Alabama under better circumstances, but the experience was overall pretty good. I will say that my New Year's resolution was very tested through the short trip, but I tried to get out of my self imposed box and go with the flow. It was tough, but at least I tried!

Nadine Granade Elmore Clements

October 3, 1906 - January 8, 2010

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Peanut Butter Krispies

Over the holidays my mom made these treats because she knew they are yummy and easy to make. Before leaving my Mimaw's house on Christmas day I packed a few bags of cookies along with these treats. Brandon gobbled up most of those and then asked about the "peanut butter things." I hadn't tried them yet and he said he would like the recipe. My mom had left for Vegas so I called up my Grandma Virginia. (Mom had gotten the recipe from her.) I'm glad I did. The ingredients cost less than $10 and making these yummy morsels is a snap!

1C sugar

1/2 C white Karo syrup

1/4 C honey

Stir in a pot and bring to a boil. Remove from heat immediately.

Stir in 16oz crunchy peanut butter.

Mix together with 4 large cups of Cocoa Krispies. (Might be best to have those measured and on stand-by before you begin.)

Drop by spoonful to form balls on cookie sheet and let cool.

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Well, well, well. Here are again. Another year is ending. I've been lurking around the internet and scoping out everyone's year end/new years postings and of course I thought about what I would write.

A few nights ago Brandon and I were in bed and he was flipping through channels and I insisted that he stop on the channel playing "The Family Stone". I saw some parallels from the movie, to my life. Most shockingly so  in the scene where Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker ) and Ben Stone (Luke Wilson) are at the local bar. There's this point where Ben tells Meredith something along the lines of,  "You are wound so tight and eventually you are going to blow your top. You have to relax and let your freak flag fly."

Well, there you have it. My resolve is to try and relax and let my freak flag fly. I mean, my freak flag flies, but not in the direction I want it to. I want to go back to being that carefree girl that doesn't sweat the small stuff. (Not the one that must. have. things. done. HER WAY ONLY. When did I become so anal?)

I do need to learn how to relax. I mean, I know how to relax when I am hanging out with my family and friends, perhaps with a beer in hand, but what I am talking about is in those everyday life situations. When I'm driving or at work or during unsolicited conversations. I want to see every encounter with other human beings as a blessing. There are times when you least expect it, that someone will say something that takes your breath away. In a good way. But if I'm not open to that because I am in a hurry or having a bad day, what might I be missing from our interaction? It's a really bad habit to always be running as fast as you can from one thing to the next. I want to quit living my life this way.

So not only do we start a new year, it's also a new decade. I pray very solemnly that this war will be over by the time I am able to celebrate 2020. That is what I most hope for in our new decade. I am very happy with the past decade. Honestly, it wasn't all daisies and rainbows, but damn if I didn't learn a lot and grow in ways I never knew would be necessary. My mom knows exactly where I was 10 years ago. I never thought that I would live through a lot of the experiences I encountered in these past ten years, but I did and as a result I am a much wiser and stronger person.

All I could really hope for, on a personal level for the next ten years are my health, my happiness and love. Maybe I will also gather my courage to really go after my dreams.

I hope that everyone who reads this will have a happy new year and much success and happiness in the next ten years as well.

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Holiday Treats Part II ~ Texas Ranger Cookies

Brandon's most favorite cookies are called Texas Ranger Cookies.  His grandmother, who lives in Alabama, used to make these for him as a child. After about a year of hearing about these cookies I went on a mission to track down the recipe. Boy am I glad I did. After giving some cookies to a man at work, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. (Despite the fact that he is about 30 years my senior and already happily married.) People have tried these and said, "Coconut? I hate coconut, but I love these cookies!" or "The perfect mix of salty and sweet!"

These cookies will never let you down, as long as you put in the effort, prepare for the mess and have the time to invest in making them. I think a better name might be "Breakfast Cookies" based on all the breakfasty ingredients or "Kitchen Sink Cookies" due to the vast array of ingredients.

This time around I broke out of my shell and tried the food proccessor for some of the prep. It rocked my world. I was so used to doing things the hard way. No more! Thankfully Brandon had experience with this type of contraption and was able to break it down for me.

I believe most people really love these cookies, or they are fantastic liars. If you feel tempted to make these there are quite a few recipes on the internet, but I will share the one passed on from Brandon's grandmother.

Texas Ranger Cookies

2 c. flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt (generous)

2/3 c. unsalted butter (soft) [1 stick & 2/3 tbsp.]

1/2 c. white vegetable shortening
1 1/3 c. packed brown sugar
2/3 c. sugar
2 large eggs
2 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

2 c. old fashioned rolled oats

2 c. crushed corn flakes
1 1/4 c. chopped pecans
1 1/4 shredded or flake sweetened coconut

Set oven to 375

Use cookie sheet.

In a medium bowl mix flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt then set aside.

With a mixer (And it should be a good one, because I burned up the motor of a cheap one on these cookies.) mix butter and shortening until fluffy. Add brown sugar and white sugar. Beat until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla and beat until mixed well. (And fluffy.)

Add flour mixture. ( A deep bowl is best as is adding the flour in increments if you don't want a cloud of flour dust to settle over every surface in your kitchen.) Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well. Let mixture set for 5-10 minutes to firm up. Shape to golf ball size and place on cookie sheet 3" apart. Flatten balls to about 1/3" thick.

Bake 8-10 minutes or until they are a perfect golden brown. Be careful not to overcook. (I prefer them crispy and crunchy but Brandon likes them chewy, so I guess it depends on what you prefer.)

Let cool 3 minutes.

Enjoy!~

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Holiday Treats Part I ~ Fantasy Fudge

Every year I make sweet treats for those that are near and dear to me. My go to recipe for years has been Fantasy Fudge. What's really awesome about this recipe? Well, for one, if you forget where you placed your chicken scratched, college rule copy you begged off your mom, you can always find it on Kraft Jet Puffed Marshmallow Creme. (The key ingredient.) My first step is to always measure everything out first, because once the molten sugar/butter/evaporated milk concoction hits that rolling boil, you better bust a move!

I used to think that the candy thermometer was not really necessary, until one year my fudge came out grainy. Nothing could be more mortifying so I splurged about $2.50 on one and ever since that my fudge has come out silky smooth.

Be careful if you make this though, it's sweet enough to hurt the teeth.

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